On Being

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So it has taken me awhile to really feel that I could write this. I knew it had to take a rather pensive evening, when i was feeling particularly vulnerable.

“A year changes you a lot,” – Fact, only if you allow the experiences to.

How we react to situations is a summation of our personality and the life experiences (conditioning). What makes us anxious or fearful is where our boundaries or limits are; where we have drawn the lines for ourselves to keep our space safe.

I have been actively placing my head space in the very emotions and thoughts that scare me. The ones that make me feel weak and anxious. Sounds pretty cheesey and out of one of those motivational books (that I have never felt compelled to read by the way, though no offence to anyone); but I’ve been looking inward as I explored my world, to understand these things that were making me uneasy and causing an overwhelming surge of emotions. And this is what I found.

Acceptance – When you accept that you are limited and only human, that not everything can be in your control, you accept that others too are only human and there is a limit to what they can do.

By accepting the fact that I would never be always perfect and know what to do nor predict all situations, i was able to exercise compassion for the self, which extended to having compassion for others.

The beauty I found in compassion came as if a light was switched on, followed by a row of dominos falling; it was expansive, and I ended up finding a capacity in my heart that I never knew could exist.

We often associate strength with bruteness, shear self willpower, trudging through the dirt and mud that is life. In focusing on building the strength of self in this way, leads to focusing on huge areas of limitations. Ideas that you are not and will never be enough, and because you aren’t good enough, you are weak because you do not possess the strength to will upon your desires.

The thing about compassion, while originating inwardly, it allows you to see and accept people as they have presented themselves, and not for what they lack. You perceive needs over flaws, vulnerabilities and spaces you cannot touch so you respect that, instead of picking them out as “problems to be fixed”.

And this is why I adore children; their untainted ability to always desire to learn and become better because they know that they cannot do it. Their fearlessness to ask for help, and their honesty when things feel difficult.

Compassion has relit that part of my heart, and while anxiety still strikes from time to time, my compassion drives me to want to give love and support more than what my fears are telling me. What bad could happen honestly?

And with compassion of the self, we understand what it is we need to feel loved and supported and what it means to love and support the ones we do love.
“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Love
As girls, we are often told that our life and beauty fades with age – I doubt this is true because never have I felt more whole, secure and overflowing with desire to give and love as I do now.
XX,
T

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